Miscarriage is a deep loss, physically and emotionally.
You expected so much from the pregnancy process.
You expected to carry and get to know the little person within you.
Losing the opportunity to experience the unique growth and intimacy of motherhood is so difficult to overcome.
Life after miscarriage is a process of patient recovery and loving self-care.
Try these six ideas to help nurture your spirit, mind, and body:
1. Give yourself permission to grieve.
Grieving your loss is an important part of emotional healing after miscarriage.
Recognize that the mixed emotions surrounding your pregnancy expectations and the heartbreaking reality are raw and intensely linked. Often, your sorrow may or may not be fully appreciated by those around you.
Your baby was real and his or her loss should be marked in your heart and mind.
You needn’t concern yourself with whether you should take time to mourn, reflect, and accept this loss.
It’s okay to take the time you need.
Allow yourself time to work through the depth and meaning of your experience in your own way.
2. Solicit a spokesperson.
You may or may not have shared your pregnancy with others. If you haven’t, you may feel alone in your grief. If you have, you may feel overwhelmed by questions or comments from others or even feel like you need to repeatedly explain or discuss your loss before you’re ready.
Spare yourself the need to constantly revisit the pain by asking an understanding friend or family member to appropriately share the circumstances with concerned and curious others. It’s okay to secure and protect your need for privacy and sensitivity for as long as you feel it’s necessary.
3. Experience your emotions fully and honestly.
You may be tempted to skim the surface of your feelings, or avoid more uncomfortable feelings like guilt, anger, or powerlessness after miscarriage. Staying emotionally aware keeps denial and depression from doing lasting damage to you and your relationships.
You may want to try mindfulness meditation or journaling. Observe your feelings without acting on them. Acknowledge how hurt, lost, disappointed, or discouraged you are.
Don’t bury your pain. Cry it. Yell it. Write it. It’s all part of healing and recovery.
4. Gather good listeners.
Allowing people to be there for you is often helpful and soothing when coping with any trauma. Try to open up. Find quiet time to share with caring, non-judgmental people.
The help of an objective counselor or therapist may also prove helpful after miscarriage, especially if you feel stuck in a particular emotion or frame of mind.
5. Focus on your partnership.
Embrace the love and care of your partner. Reach out to him or her.
Resist isolation, blame, or avoidance.
Draw closer to each other.
There is no other person who feels your loss as deeply as you do than your partner.
Give each other the grace and permission to experience and express your loss individually and as a couple. You may find your relationship is strengthened.
6. Physically pamper your body.
You may feel physically out of sorts after miscarriage.
As your body returns to a pre-pregnancy state, you may be too emotional or mentally stressed to relax.
Nurture your body; make the conscious decision to eat well and rest as much as possible.
Warm baths, a foot or neck massage, or time set aside for long walks may help you feel more in tune with and accepting of your body again.
After miscarriage, nurture your need for comfort, quiet reflection, and compassion.
Seek help when you need it and know that every emotion you’re experiencing is natural. Recovery will come.